she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
