So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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