just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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