I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
