youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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