But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
