i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
