just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
