"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
