Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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