You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
