It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
