Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
