I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
