Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
