Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
