I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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