Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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