"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
