I'm jealous of your bromance
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
