I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
