I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
