Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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