First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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