I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
