That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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