Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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