I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I faked an abortion last night.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
