I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I want her autograph on my taint
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
