Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
