I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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