I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
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Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
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Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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