Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I supernannyed him into submission
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
