She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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