when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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