Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
