toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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