I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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