Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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