Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
