my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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