theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
