You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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