My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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