the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Randomize
