no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
