Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
cat food counts as protein by the way
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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