i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
