It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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