and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
