Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
