I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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