I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
