the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
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She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize