Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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