I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
