i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
organizing the empties. That sober.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
