Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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