Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
