Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
