Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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