u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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