Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
