Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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