The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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