True but thats because hes a fetus.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
