burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
