Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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