dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
