I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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