Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I have feelings that need drinking.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
