do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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