end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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