is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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